Letter to Daddy

"what does the past makes it so hard to move forward"

Been thinking back about the past, thinking back 3 years ago.

How much it has changed me to look at the world differently now.

I still tear up every time I thought about it, but what can I do.

I never knew working would be so tiring, the commitment to provide for your family.

I love my family, I want the best for them but sometimes I just want HIM back. 

I want to be in his arms just one more time, the kiss and the hug that he had always given to me.

The small little things that he provides means a lot to us, we just knew how to appreciate after he left.

Funny how the best times we spent together were in the hospital.

Going to see you everyday, helping you with your exercise 

and talking about where we would go after you got better... 

I really missed him a lot, I could cry every night whining for him to be back

but it doesn't make a different that his time has come to be back with the Lord.

I could do really silly prayers asking God to let me see him one more time, letting me feel his warm and saying that he is proud of what I have achieved. 

These few days I've been really down, I cry every night just wanting to see him

But who can I tell these to, I don't want to worry my friends and family

I don't want people to take pity on me because they would never know how I'm feeling

I miss you daddy, I really miss you a lot.

I wish I could send you messages, even if you don't reply at least I know you received it. 

I have a lot of things to tell you, I have a lot of things that I want to do with you

You promised to walk me down the aisle, but why did you break our promise. 

how am I suppose to walk down now without you, without thinking about you. 

But I promise you Daddy, I will take care of the family for you

I will love them like how you did, I will provide for them

I will give them the best . So don't worry daddy

I may cry sometimes, but I know I have to do it.

because I love them so much, just like how I still love you . 

Enjoy yourself in heaven daddy, please wait for us to come

We might come one by one, but someday we will be reunited. 

pray for us daddy, pray that we would walk in God's way

pray that we would always be blessed. 

I love you Daddy, and I miss you so so much. 

Mothers Day

                   Mother. The protector that God has chosen for us because he knows that she would love and care for us dearly.

How long have I been here, in Singapore alone without my mother. I remember that time was the first time I was travelling without my mother. I cried and cried hoping that my tears would magically bring my mother along to Singapore. I went through so many problems when I first came here and that made my mother really worried as she couldn't be in Singapore. Then I settled in our home now, still sticking to my mother like glue. I would tell her everything and talk to her everyday because I knew that I couldn't live without her. Then as time flies, we got really busy and seldom talked to each other. Our relationship became distanced. I experience so many difficulties alone which I would never have expected but I knew I couldn't do it without my mother because she was always the backbone to my solutions, without her I couldn't have stood for so long. After awhile, I got used to living here. This place, is suddenly a place I call home. I have became more comfortable staying here than staying back at home with mother. I've changed so much, I became more talkative, but more opinion as well. I became more daring but in the wrong way. I remember the last time I went back, I think I argued with my mother twice already. I used to be the no comment girl and everything listens to mother girl but that time I didn't know why I would even think of arguing with her. I am very afraid, afraid that Id hurt her. But I never knew that I was hurting her through all the words and body language that I've used with her. I have always treated her as a best friend, someone who knows me inside out, someone who would joke around with me and someone who I can comfortably talk to. But I regret, because she is still my mother. I should've known, everything she asks and says are just for the best. But I took the best friend thing for granted, I really treated her as a best friend and having no respect while talking to her. But because I knew that she knows everything about me that Id expect her to know what I'm thinking and got mad at her just because she couldn't figure out with is wrong with me. I regret day and night and I know that sticking back a broken mirror can never be perfect again. I promise myself, I will be the best in everything I do and make her proud. I pray that God will and always bless her and protect her. I pray that God will guide her in everyway that she has to achive, I pray that God will always be there for her and bless her always. I love you mom, this may not be a romantic poem, not even a letter but this is everything from the heart. I'm sorry I've made you mad and disappointed, but I will do my best, just for you.


signing off,
Amelia Wong.

Fresh out of the oven.

to whoever may read this....

Hey Whats Up !

You may or may not know, I am a 22 years old girl who is currently working as a FA in Singapore. I am just a normal average girl trying her best to fulfill her dreams but am still trying to get herself together. Alot of people says that I've change. Of course I would, who wouldn't if you put them through a war with a single bullet in a gun to survive. I know that there are other people who had it worst but well, we all go through everyday to change for the better right ? 

I definitely have changed like morning and night. Well, not that exaggerating but I've changed. 

I am still the very lazy and untidy girl who leaves her stuffs all over the room but tbh, my roommates are the same. I impatient of how I can't find my things because I share a room now so everything is mixed up with my roommates' so I am always cleaning up my part of the room which is my closet so I can easily access the things that I want. I have also became a very OCD person where I have to have specific hangers to hang specific clothing. I love collecting shoe boxes because they can be used to store up some of the unwanted things that I put at the back and things that are small and will run around or things that I want to categorize. I have actually an area in my closet that is actually a mini library because I have became a little bit of a bookworm. I bring my book to almost everywhere I go because phones are only used when I need to contact someone. Other than that, I am always on my book.

 I always need to have either my Baymax or my mini pillow wherever I travel but if its home then its fine because I have a mini-er pillow there, for comfort. My Baymax, which was given to me as a Christmas gift from a housemate has became a very huge part of my life. You may or may not know, I tend to get very emotional to things that has been very long with me. I once cried because my friend thought it would be fun to throw my stuffed toys around for a joke and she was ignored for several days. Baymax has been with me from the beginning and all the lonely tears and laughter were shared with him so I don't know if this sounds weird, but I love my Baymax. 

I am the type of person who plans ahead on everything even-thou I dislike planning. I'd think about what would happened if I did this or that, think about what if I did that and it didn't work out. Mom always told me that since I was little I have always been thinking ahead, thinking of what excuses I can make just so I could get out of trouble. I guess its a good and bad thing ? I a ways prepare everything in advance so in case I needed it, I wouldn't go all panicky about it.

On flights. I can't stand to see messy drawers, untidy sugar sachet or even dirty stains on the parts of the planes. Even now if I typed something wrong I will change it all up again.. But the funny thing is that I dislike changes. Well only for things that are already planned, or has always been like that. 

What else.. I guess I've matured. Since I've started to put on make up, its hard to not do it even if it is an off day going out for a walk. I remember the first few times I went for interviews and damn.. I was ugly. I attended a course where they teach us how to wear make up like FAs but it seems that putting on double tone of blue eyeshadow, brown eyeliner, red cheeks and pink lipstick scared the interviewers away. Right now, I only needed a dab of eyeshadow, a line of eyeliner and a red lipstick to look hell lot different, and better. My clothings too, I used to be the kind where I wear T and shorts or clothes that shows I couldn't be bothered to choose so I picked the first ones kind. I've never imagine I would start wearing dresses, skirts or even flowery patterns that i'd make a gross face at last time. Guess things change when you start growing up. 

I can say that I am a very people-person. Not in a way where I socialize alot but I tend to give alot. I will always want to be there for my family or my friends even if I can't, I will make sure my words of encouragements are heard. I treat my friends sometimes when we have gatherings back in my hometown, not because I am rich. I am rich in love, in joy and in blessing but I am okay when it comes to money. I treat them not because I am rich, but because I appreciate the times when I needed help they were always there for me, to encourage me so it is just a sort of give and take thing. I love my friends, but even if they always tell me that they are always there waiting for me to go back, I always lack of confident not because they are untrustable, but I have already became a person where I  hide and keep everything to myself. Maybe it is because of the distance, the gathering that I couldn't attend, the birthdays that I couldn't celebrate that it has made us a little less familiar with each other. Everytime that I'm there, they would talk about last week's gathering or whatever they want to do the week after where I have already went back to Singapore to work. But I myself choose to work in Singapore, so I can't blame it on anyone but myself. I wish to believe that my friends are always there waiting for me to come back but I always wonder if I've ever crossed their minds when they plan a trip or a gathering. One told me that I am always on their minds but my mind says no. I will try to change on that thinking. 

I used to be a very emo person, a very negative person. But for what I have became now, to be optimistic I guess it is because of something my brother said that made me thought about it. He told me that why should you be angry or sad over something that someone has said than just ignoring it and be happy because you yourself knows what you did was right or wrong. He told me that whatever happens, we should not judge so fast because everything happens for a reason. Be it good or bad, only you yourself can or can not solve it. My brother has been a very great role model since my father has passed away. It must be hard to be the man of the house, to have to take care of us for our safety and comfort. But he never tells us the problems he face, or the trouble that is bothering him, Be it because he doesn't wants us to worry or maybe he is just too optimistic. I want to always be there for him, because God made me come into this family and to have him as a brother for a reason. And I have found the reason. 

I want to be the one to support my family, to provide and to give but I still lack the ability to do that. So in order to fulfill my dream, I will continue to work hard, to give them the best. To be somebody that they can introduce to people and be really proud of. 

So that's it. Guess this post will rot here for maybe a few months or so. 

Till then, take care and God bless. 

Indescribable-feelingz,

signing off.